It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
