we have officially lost it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
