She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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