I cannot find my penis.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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