Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
