plz talk dirty to me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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