"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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