Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
