alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
