What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
