why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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