I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
