apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
