I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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