My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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