there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
