Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
