If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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