Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
