mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
