So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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