My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
