he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
