my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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