How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
