I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
