so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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