I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
