Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
