this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
