If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
