Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
