I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I still have a little drunk in my system
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
dude. I can hear the air.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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