I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
