I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
