My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
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She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize