I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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