i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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