You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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