I love black thongs
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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