im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
