i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
