did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
