Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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