she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
