you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is that strawberry winking at me??
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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