So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
