please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
