how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
