you guys were way drunker than both of me
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
