Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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