3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
