Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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