I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
