She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
