I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
