A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
