Apparently you make a good broom.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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