I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
