LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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