what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sober January is a disaster.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
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