I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
