is your mom at the bar?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
