She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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