I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
