I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
