giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
soo... how was my night?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
