You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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