I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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