I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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