He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
