if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
