Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
