OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
