well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
