I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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